I think I might be in love

No, not with Julian (unlike some of those monkeys!).

But with IWriteLike.com.

According to whom, the entries in this blog are variously and occasionally similar to:

I write like
Kurt Vonnegut

I Write Like by Mémoires, journal software. Analyze your writing!

I write like
L. Frank Baum

I Write Like by Mémoires, journal software. Analyze your writing!

I write like
Stephen King

I Write Like by Mémoires, journal software. Analyze your writing!

This is so much fun I could do it all day.

But I know, you’re dying to hear what it thought of Julian.

This little gem, in particular:

‘Suddenly he leapt up from the table and dashed for the dilapidated toilet situated next to the stables. It had to be this toilet; it was reasonably sound proof and hardly ever used by anyone. He reached the toilet door, yanked it open in a thorough state of panic and let loose a surging Niagara of vomit, at the same moment his bowels detonated and nearly lifted him off the ground. For one hour his arse and stomach continued to ambush him. All he could do was sit on the toilet and wail ‘Oh God!… Oh God!… Oh God! over and over again. He wanted to die.’

Now, I’m no fan of The Da Vinci Code, which I gave up on within a few pages because of the writing, but I still think that IWriteLike.com is being more than a little unfair to:

I write like
Dan Brown

I Write Like by Mémoires, journal software. Analyze your writing!

I’ve got to admit, though, it did make me chuckle.

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17 Comments

Filed under The Society for the Preservation of Commas

17 responses to “I think I might be in love

  1. How can you be ambushed by your backside?

  2. PC ap Plod

    a splendid rant on Julian’s blog today – a real peach of anti-welsh bigotry, written in his inimitable shit English.

    • It was a true charmer, the silly plonker has written a piece today confusing a year old meme with an original statement. What a bellend. And apparently he’s writing for Wales uncut! Never have I laughed so much in my life!

  3. Apologies, Labour Uncut, which he presumably is writing under a cut the arts perspective, which is kind of against the principles of the organisation but there we go!

  4. AMAZING! Labour Uncut have published Julian’s blog, entitled ‘letters from Wales.’ typically vitriolic, he blames nationalist cliques, coteries and cabals for most of Wales’s problems, and insists that Wales is run by a Welsh speaking elite … if you have ever written anything on Julian’s blog only to see it deleted a few hours later, I urge you to comment on this blog as to why he’s wrong (most of the ammo you need can be found in the Gwyneth Lewis/Carolyn Hitt articles embedded in the main body of his blog) http://labour-uncut.co.uk/2013/05/16/letter-from-wales-local-snouts-in-the-devolved-trough/#more-16386

  5. PC ap Plod

    amazing indeed.
    Here is a comment I left on Julian’s blog:
    Dear Julian
    Your piece on Labour Uncut is inaccurate, since the examples you cite are published in English. You fail to declare your own interest, namely that you were rejected by Seren in 2009. You lied about having an agent and you plagiarised Hitchens.
    The events in the Chapter you refer to have nothing to do with Welsh nationalism – I recall that most of the people there were either English or foreign and still thought you were full of shit , ranting at publishers because they rejected your crappy novels.
    As for the people who have ‘attacked’ you, I notice that people like David Hewson and others are in fact best-selling English novelists who just think you’re a spiteful turd of a man – nothing to do with the Welsh, old boy.
    Your own track record is that of a liar and minority-bashing bigot, and one who also reviews his own books on amazon and makes his own wikipedia entry..
    I’ve seen your comments about Welsh-speakers (I am not one myself), and they are pure ignorant bigotry. I’ve also seen the abuse to which you subject the English language and it chilling.
    You are a bilious exhibitionist driven by failure and envy, and you also censor your blog ruthlessly. So much for freedom of speech.
    You wasted taxpayers money on getting the police to investigate the humorous ribbing you claimed was ‘harassment’ (which you couldn’t spell, and when the police saw there was no case to answer you attacked them.
    Where does the bully run to when he’s run out of road? Where does the liar hide when he’s run out of lies?
    Tell us Julian, pray tell us.

  6. Getting massively heated on labour uncut, it goes to show how bad things are when julian is not in control of comment moderation…. Ouch http://labour-uncut.co.uk/2013/05/16/letter-from-wales-local-snouts-in-the-devolved-trough/comment-page-1/#comment-18292

  7. Aldus Manutius

    It has been many years since I happened upon a new writer who could wield the bastinado of wit as devastatingly as this, and yet remain compassionate, urbane, and, to leave the best till last, comma-friendly. I refer, of course, not to Julian Ruck himself but to the paragon of Swiftian erudition who has created the Julian Fuck homage site.

    I had not encountered The Ruckster until today, despite living in Wales, and stumbling, as I did, on Dame Julian’s musings about single-issue pressure groups and the scandal of taxpayer-funded Druids I admit that I was momentarily discombobulated. But then I tumbled into the oasis known as jewelsfromjulian and order was restored.

    My own favourite from the Julian Ruck wordpress blog does not directly concern The Society for the Preservation of the Comma, I’m afraid, but it is rather good. The logo box at the top of the blog describes Ragged Cliffs as a “tilogy”. Not, I feel sure, a solecism which would have escaped the eagle eye of “the venerable Hithcen’s” as he is so elegantly described.

    • Sir, you are by some considerable distance too kind. I am not so proud that I will not grasp hungrily at your praise, though, and having been compared to the good Dean himself, I now intend to die happily in the flower of my youth and have your comment engraved in necessarily (and appropriately!) small font on my headstone.

  8. Edwin Hilliard

    Dear John,
    You will have noticed that Julian has corrected his ’tilogy’ to ‘trilogy’ on his site. If only correcting shit books to good books were so easy.
    He now also boasts on his tagline of being ‘columnist for influential Westminster political site, Labour Uncut’.
    It’s about time we added to Julian Fuck Uncut.

    • Edwin, I had to point out his ’tilogy’ error out of pity, I didn’t want to Julian to look more daft than is strictly necessary!

      I must say, the backlash to his musings on Labour Uncut is astonishing. The audacity of Julian to question the literacy rates in Wales is ironic in the extreme.

      When Julian can’t censor his responses he looks a bit silly.

      The poor commas, they have suffered immeasurably.

  9. Julian, I commend you for taking action on just one of the many helpful bits of proofreading this blog has provided for you. My only hope is that you’ll one day show the same enthusiasm for improving your use of commas.

    Meanwhile, surely: Labour Uncut, starring Julian Unfuct.

  10. Edwin Hilliard

    Julian has a new fan too – just one, of course: a Mr Origami, who also has a blog, also writes terrible English, and also censors comments.
    What is especially suspicious about Mr Origami is that he misplaces commas in the same way as our Julian, and in the same way as Julian’s many (self-authored) amazon reviews.
    Fishy eh?

  11. Welshnot

    Mr Origami is in fact an English bloke who only posts anti-Welsh comments, and claims not to be ‘rascist’ [sic]. He has an image on his blog of a Japanese man with a ball in his mouth. Not rascist, no. Possibly Racist, though…
    Mt Origami is our Julian’s most ardent fan, now using Julian’s comments on Labour UNcut to link to his own drivel. A parasite upon a parasite.
    Where to they get saddos from?

  12. Bore da, Mr Welshnot.

    I am now great fan of your homage site to Mr Ruck.

    For the record, I am not an English bloke who posts anti-Welsh comments. – I have got a Welsh Auntie though. Would like to produce evidence that I am an English bloke.

    Using rationale, are you not the biggest fan of Mr Ruck for producing a homage site to Mr Ruck?

    Thought of the day: Cannot a man with Asian facial features be British?

    Yours faithfully

    Mr Origami

  13. Hello Mr Juliegami! You’re stark, raving bonkers – it’s lovely to have you here. 🙂

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