Oh no; oh stuff of joy!

The monkeys were right to suspect that Julian would be too modest to let us know how many new writers had been inspired by his talk at the Diplomat Hotel in Llanelli.

Even the monkeys, though, didn’t realise that Julian would treat himself like Nikolai Yezhov, and air-brush himself out of history.

You will cry, you will laugh, you will wonder at the salty tears of a cruel world. Nobody came to the talk, so Julian has deleted the blog post in which he announced it. With a single click, it never happened. No-one came, because it didn’t happen. How could it have happened when it was never on his blog?

Like Stalin, though, Julian’s not very good at getting rid of the original (a key step in proper historical revisionism):

Julian Ruck did hold a talk!

Trot along to Julian’s own blog, though, and you’ll see no such post any more. It is no more. It has ceased to be. It has expired and gone to meet its maker. It is an ex-post.

Julian, love, couldn’t you do the same thing with all your commas? You know, go back and delete them all, let them rest in peace?

As long as you don’t have any self-important waxing to be doing, of course.

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31 Comments

Filed under The Society for the Preservation of Commas

31 responses to “Oh no; oh stuff of joy!

  1. As suitable as the turn out was I doubt it will stop Julian’s debauched sense of purpose and talent! The guy is such an egomaniac it is wild. Self belief is wonderful but it needs to be combined with talent and, preferably, minus the horrid opinions. The man is a joke, distributed by the Welsh Book Council (at taxpayers expense, I wouldn’t mind being in favour of such things myself but as its Jules and as he hates them so), wasting police time, constantly lying about sales, success, the success of his talks etc. A bona fide, grade A tit.

    7000 copies in Wales alone? As the only people you can get his books from are Amazon (easily trackable, sells nothing at all until someone points that out in a new post or comment, probably got a terabyte rammed with dubious books) and The Welsh Book Council (taxpayer Julian? Please answer this one) who will agree with an FOI request, being the beneficiary of the public purse, on the subject of Julians book sales. Julian is not a best selling author, certainly not one of Wales ‘most respected authors’. Jesus Christ.

    I’ve got mega deadlines this month, International Print Award, book covers (for real publishers), an artist book commission and representing Welsh print in Brussells and best of British print in Fitzrovia in Julians beloved London. I say this not to brag, I just tire of Julian claiming his detractors are idiots who sit around drinking lattes and not much else. One of his main critics, Joao Morais, is in my opinion one of the best young talents in the British Isles. Niall Griffiths and Richard Gwyn concur, but who reads them?

    If I get a mo I will FOI Gwales and ask them Julian’s sales figures, combine them with Amazons and Voila! True figures. I will also email a certain company in london and ask them a few questions about a certain relationship. No one with an agent self publishes. Also Julian when I did a talk in ystrad gynlais on josef Herman and my work in the curwen, thirty people turned up and no one heckled. Fancy that eh?

  2. One more question for you Julian. Why is it you never have any books in any shops? Apart from charity shops, of course. But seriously how can you be a best seller if no where sells you apart from the WBC (evil organisation I know) and Amazon (where you make a penny a month, paid by yourself)

    • Puppy

      Someone should’ve gone along when he was doing the book signings at WH Smiths to photograph the crowds there. How many people went to this talk out of interest?

      • I went to one of his signings in waterstones, Cardiff, at 2pm and the staff didn’t even know he left! A well known editor friend of mines wife managed a whsmith in south east wales and she said he would approach people with signed copies and give them to people and direct them toward the tills. I presume he counts these as sales but after closing the staff would find them dotted around the store. Oh dear. I phoned the hotel last night and bless them, they were starting an hour late as Julian expected more people, the staff pointed out there were 4 including himself and his wife. A sad scene indeed. Why is he picking on Steve Mosby out of the blue for, such a silly man.

      • Puppy

        Hahaha wonderful. Next he’ll dress in robes, stand in the town squares and hand them out disguised as bibles!

        He’s picking in Steve Mosby because he’s too silly to accept the fact that he is a failure. He needs to cover up his failings (writing, festivals, book talks) by attacking and blaming others (e.g. Steve, funding for the arts, dog walkers). He’ll do anything to distract himself from his failed attempt at a career.

  3. welshnot

    Well, I started to feel a bit sorry for him, until I reminded myself how spiteful and nasty his blog was, how much shit he threw at others, how he atatcked individual writers, mocked publishers for producing books about Jews and Islam, called poetry ADHD, and generally smeared his country and attacked speakers of a minority language in terms that were – at the very least bigoted and quite possibly racist.
    If he has any friends (!) or relatives, someone should have taken him aside long ago and told him that if all you have to offer is vitriol, envy and shit writing, then you’ll eventually run out of road and come to a ragged cliff with all gas and no oil, only to find you inheritance lost and only a silver songster to play you out (that’s enough Ruck novel titles – ed.).

  4. welshnot

    wow… new post from Julian, an open letter to Steve Mosby.
    Beggars belief how self-righteous he can be after all the shite he’s heaped on others.
    Back to work, Monkeys!

    • Why has he started picking on Steve, out of the blue?

      • I don’t think Julian’s ever entirely got over Steve’s wonderfully memorable ‘I’d rather stick fucking pins in my eyes’ response to his invitation to the Kidwell-e festival!

      • I think it’s probably because of the recent blog I did about his wiki page edits.

        The “pins in my fucking eyes” thing is funny, looking back on it. I’m actually very easy-going, and I’d normally respond to a festival invite with an enthusiastic “yes!” (or, at the least, a genuinely regretful “sorry, I can’t.”) But yes, I did say that to Julian. I would point out that it was one of several things I said in my email. And also that, when he claims to have approached me politely and professionally, he might not be reporting events entirely accurately…

      • Julian might approach someone less than politely and professionally? Perish the thought!

        The pins/fucking/eyes is a gem – giving a voice to thousands of politely silent targets of self-promotion.

        I suspect that underneath all the bluster, he’d have loved you to wade in and tell us off for being beastly to a fellow author, and in his own other-worldly way he’s probably hurt that you’re not nice to him. I think he’s stuck in one of those broken realities where you can be thoroughly unpleasant to other people but still feel hurt and surprised if anyone doesn’t like you. To be honest, it looks like a tough gig from here.

        Hey, Julian – try just being nice to people, see if that works out better. Crack a joke with us, and we’ll crack a joke with you.

      • Absolutely. And I’m reluctant to engage with him too much, as it could be perceived as bullying. But if he will write blogposts to me, with my name in the title, then I’m going to reply to him until he stops doing so. He’s deleted one of my responses, incidentally, after originally allowing it. Nothing changes.

        I’ve just looked back on our original correspondence. I’d misremembered. For him to suggest he asked me politely, and also to tell me I could publish the emails if I wanted, he must have balls the size of watermelons. It’s about the least professional email I’ve ever received. I’ve had more professional spam.

  5. thelatteliterati

    Oh good. I was worried about him – he’d been quiet for days, and I was missing the entertainment.

  6. thelatteliterati

    The invitation to ‘Listen to the enthralling speaker, Julian Ruck, talk about Creative Writing, Commercial Fiction and etc.’ is still on Facebook, along with the image of the lonely microphone. To quote Mr Ruck, ‘you couldn’t make it up’.

  7. thelatteliterati

    Oh rush over to Julian’s blog – it’s all getting very heated over there. Now he’s just “a Welsh hack from the valley’s” (yes, with the apostrophe), he has only a “modest writing career”, and “is nothing more or less than a modest story-teller”. I am confused. I thought he was a bestselling author, and Wales’s best-known author. Has he been exaggerating?

  8. welshnot

    I’ve left this, but it’s been censored (ps congratulation Jewels on your spike in Twatter followers – Julian must be bringing them in in droves!):

    Mr Cross, I too had that problem with Julian: I left messages using my wordpress account, which contains my email address and full name, and he either censored them or pretended that he didn’t know that my name was visible and open. This is nothing new. But thank you for your principled and erudite contributions, and believe me , I’m utterly surprised that he’s published them.
    Plagiarism is disgusting, and so is this passive-aggressive self-dramatisation he now directs Steve Mosby, whose only crime seems to have been to take him on. We all have, but if you’re looking for reasoned and open debate, Ruck’s blog isn’t the place to go. It’s a fantasy-space for sour grapes, personal insult, shit writing and minority-hating.

  9. welshnot

    I’m sorry. Me again. I was going to bed. Then I saw this, Julian’s apology to Malcolm X:

    “PS Everybody’s life is ‘steller’, a few fart-arsed words doesn’t make a ‘writer’ better than anybody else.”

    Sublime. Superb. The man gets better and better. Note the misspelling of ‘stellar’, the bizarre movement to ‘fart-arsed words’, and then the putting of the word ‘writer’ in inverted commas.

    No Julian, the point is that some people are writers, you’re a ‘writer’. The inverted commas here act as tweezers to prise the word out of the sentence so the reader (‘reader’ to you) can set it apart and ironise it.

    For pity’s sake, Julian: stop making a dick of yourself. Even your detractors are feeling the pain on your behalf.

  10. Hitchens! Not Hitchins, Julian!!

  11. welshnot

    Julian’s posted one of his poems, because now that he has Sarah Pinborough writing to him, he needs to fall back on his old favourite: sexism, and evade the issue of plagiarism by waffling on about some girl he knew back in the day. There is a disturbing reflex on Julian’s part to treat women with the kind of belittling pseudo-gentlemenliness you find amongst class A prats.

    The anthology we have in mind would include something on the women in his books and in his arse-wipe of a Lanelli Star column, but also on the differences between the responses to men and women on his blog.

    Here is the poem:

    “‘Flowers blossom in Spring,
    Early morning birds sing,
    Nature goes on as lovely as ever,
    But never, quite never as lovely as Sarah’.

    Not bad for a callow youth of 18, eh?!”

    But let me just ask: ‘Never, quite never’? ‘Quite never’?

    Perhaps the anthology could contain a close reading of that too.

  12. Delusional, typical Ruck. The daft man that he is probably thinks that was a prodigious poem. His sexism is definitely one of his more alarming aspects..

  13. I had hoped to entirely and permanently forget who Julian Ruck is, (he has made me that frothingly angry), but sadly the commenters here clued me into the fact he had left an ‘apology’.

    Damn you all, you filthy little bullies. You terrible, horrible little people. (Actually I quite sympathise, Julian Ruck is, by my definitions, quite the bully himself. And there are really only two responses to bullying – bully back, or ignore. And ignorance is such a terrible thing…)

    • Malcolm, when he accused you of hiding behind online anonymity? Malcolm ‘f’ Cross, very anon) I couldn’t stop laughing.

      Julian, you do not sell any books. I know this because I have checked. You don’t do you? No one on here is a troll Julian, they just care for rational debate. I am willing to debate with you about taxpayer funding to the arts.

      In public.

      I know you are deeply philistine and against arts funding. But that is because you could not get funding if you wanted to! The quality is simply too bad. Your writing is abysmal. Awful.

      You sell nothing Julian. You are a liar. I sell more prints than you do books, by a long way.

      John Abell

  14. Malcolm, it is a terrible state of affairs. I only started writing to Ruck after he called me an ‘ignorant little shit’ in person with no provocation. Wanker.

  15. Here is an example of Mr Ruck’s ‘courtesy’, sent of the blue apropos of absolutely nothing so I see no reason why it shouldn’t be shared. It’s meant to be a threat I imagine though for some reason I fail to tremble. In another message he claims he’s also written to my publishers, not that their crank correspondence department has mentioned it.

    I am increasingly of the opinion he’s nothing more than a reverse troll, feeding off the attention his ludicrous behaviour generates. Perhaps if we ignore him he’ll return to ‘writing’ and add another masterwork to his ’tilogy’. I for one would be happy not to hear his name for quite a while. Oh, say… a lifetime.

    My heart goes out to the poor Llanelli sub who has to deal with his spelling, grammar and punctuation.Well it doesn’t actually. But you get my drift.

    Message: Dear Mr Hewson,

    By way of courtesy, I will be exercing my callow and indeed grammatically barbaric journalalistic endeavours in a newspaper article about your good self and colleague Steve Mosby, in December….’watch this space’ as they say!

    You will both also be receiving a mention in some public talks I have coming up.

    All publicity is good publicity as they say! I won’t bore you with Oscar’s take on such things, I’m sure you are an expert.

    All the very best,

    Julian Ruck

  16. Given that he said I could share it – and that he’s annoyed me with the random editorial policy on his blog, and the passive-aggressive comment on my own – here is the supposedly professional and polite way in which he invited me to attend his festival. (It followed an exchange of tweets in which I made it clear I wasn’t interested in attending, and then an email from someone else that I totally ignored).

    ———————
    “Dear Steve Mosby,

    Your silence is conspicuous by it’s absence. For one so passionately grammatical where the ebook is concerned, we are indeed a trifle disappointed by your lack of enthusiasm for taking part in the Kidwell-eFestival ebook debate. We thoroughly empathise with your 140 character personality but would this not be enhanced by a public practising of your stated position ie an ebook future of Hieronymus proportions?

    As you say, Twattering is not for cock obsessed scribblers like myself, but being as you are an aficionado of such social media do let us have a profile of your good self, work published etc etc and we are sure that we can negotiate some kind of fee as requested.

    Best wishes,

    Julian Ruck

    PS Will you please also confirm that you are a bookseller – these days, as I am sure you will understand, one simply cannot be too careful.”
    ———————

    I responded as follows:

    ———————

    Julian –

    I’m not a bookseller, no; I’m an author. Since you presumably looked at my website long enough to read the blogpost you reference and acquire my email address, I would have assumed you knew this. No matter. You can find out most of the things you ask about me here: http://lmgtfy.com/?q=%22Steve+Mosby%22

    Secondly, I never requested a fee. As I mentioned in my tweet at the time, I rarely charge fees or expenses for festival appearances. I also said that I wasn’t interested in appearing at your festival. So that is two reasons why, mercifully, negotations for fees need not take place. You haven’t heard back from me, no. By “your silence is conspicuous by it’s absence”[sic], I assume you actually mean something more along the lines of “your silence is telling”. It isn’t, really. You shouldn’t confuse a person unable or unwilling to debate an issue with a person simply uninterested in doing so with you.

    “Passionately grammatical where the ebook is concerned” is also incorrect, as far as I can work out what it means. I am not really for or against ebooks, in and of themselves, and all my own novels are available in that format. There are certainly lively discussions to be had around the subject, but I dislike the “us-versus-them”-style rhetoric that you propagate on your blog and have no wish to add to it.

    Finally, as I also said in my tweet, I wish the festival the best. All my comments online have addressed you and your obnoxious behaviour as an individual – and I genuinely hope the festival itself will be a roaring success, despite your involvement. But as things stand, I’m afraid I will have to repeat that I am not interested in taking part. I would rather do something more agreeable, such as anticipating my birthday (a few days afterwards), petting a kitten, or sticking pins in my fucking eyeballs.

    Best wishes,
    Steve”

    ———————

    I second David’s statement: “I for one would be happy not to hear his name for quite a while. Oh, say… a lifetime.” Absolutely.

  17. ‘As you say, Twattering is not for cock obsessed scribblers like myself, but being as you are an aficionado of such social media do let us have a profile of your good self, work published etc etc and we are sure that we can negotiate some kind of fee as requested.’

    That is easily one of the funniest sentences in any, errr, professional emails I have ever seen. Truly a wonderful man who’s bizarre brand of self deprecation with aggrandisement makes for great entertainment.

    Cock obsessed scribbler… Certainly did not see that one coming!

  18. Steve, David – your self-restraint in the face of such provocation shines like a good deed in a naughty world. Thank you for sharing Julian’s quite remarkable approach to making friends and influencing people. ‘Your silence is conspicuous by it’s absence’ is a gem of the first water.

  19. Martin Luther King (ghost of)

    Jewels, may we have these for the anthology? (about whihc, more soon, I’m told).

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