Julian also doesn’t read…

You may remember, dear reader, that we established a while back that Julian Ruck hasn’t read ‘War and Peace’ (because it’s too long) or ‘The Lord of the Rings’ (because, er, it’s too literary) – and now it turns out that he also hasn’t read any R S Thomas.

I mean, really – an ‘R S Thomas bucolic paradise’?!

My (imaginary, Julian!) monkeys and I might be wrong, of course – Julian might just have confused ‘bucolic’ with, er, dystopian?

Julian, RS wrote things like this:

It was not the dark filling my eyes
And mouth appalled me; not even the drip
Of rain like blood from the one tree
Weather-tortured. It was the dark
Silting the veins of that sick man
I left stranded upon the vast
And lonely shore of his bleak bed.

Powerful, yes. No incorrect commas, yes. But bucolic paradise?! Strewth.

Next, you’ll be telling us about Dylan Thomas’s sober piety, Gerard Manley Hopkins’s prosaic gloom, Joseph Conrad’s comic optimism, Ernest Hemingway’s long-winded waffle and Shakespeare’s hatred of neologisms.

Honestly, Julian, what do you read? Is it only ’50 Shades of Grey’?

P.S. To any students considering using the brief list above as a cheat sheet for an exam – don’t!

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4 Comments

Filed under The Society for the Preservation of Commas

4 responses to “Julian also doesn’t read…

  1. Welshnot

    “Next, you’ll be telling us about Dylan Thomas’s sober piety, Gerard Manley Hopkins’s prosaic gloom, Joseph Conrad’s comic optimism, Ernest Hemingway’s long-winded waffle and Shakespeare’s hatred of neologisms.”

    Very funny, that’s brightened up my morning.

    That RS Thomas stanza you quote, I’m sure I’ve seen it on Saga holiday brochures. Or was in Club 18-30? I can;t recall, but as Julian says, it’s bucolic paradise all the way from Holyhead to Port Talbot.

  2. The Dalai Lama

    I see that Mr Gove has backtracked on his education plans and will now maintain the same system as , er…, Wales. I hope our education expert blogger Julian ruck will write a suitably informed piece.
    I hope your anonymous benefactor means it about the Julian fuck anthology.what if its Julian himself trying to find another way to self publish though?

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