You may remember, dear reader, that we established a while back that Julian Ruck hasn’t read ‘War and Peace’ (because it’s too long) or ‘The Lord of the Rings’ (because, er, it’s too literary) – and now it turns out that he also hasn’t read any R S Thomas.
I mean, really – an ‘R S Thomas bucolic paradise’?!
My (imaginary, Julian!) monkeys and I might be wrong, of course – Julian might just have confused ‘bucolic’ with, er, dystopian?
Julian, RS wrote things like this:
It was not the dark filling my eyes
And mouth appalled me; not even the drip
Of rain like blood from the one tree
Weather-tortured. It was the dark
Silting the veins of that sick man
I left stranded upon the vast
And lonely shore of his bleak bed.
Powerful, yes. No incorrect commas, yes. But bucolic paradise?! Strewth.
Next, you’ll be telling us about Dylan Thomas’s sober piety, Gerard Manley Hopkins’s prosaic gloom, Joseph Conrad’s comic optimism, Ernest Hemingway’s long-winded waffle and Shakespeare’s hatred of neologisms.
Honestly, Julian, what do you read? Is it only ’50 Shades of Grey’?
P.S. To any students considering using the brief list above as a cheat sheet for an exam – don’t!