Julian threatens the police on our non-existent monkeys

Just when you thought it wasn’t possible, Julian Ruck has sunk even lower than before, in a tear-jerking attempt to bully some non-existent monkeys into silence. Here’s his contribution in the comments of a previous post:

‘By way of information to both the creator of this blog and those who have been contributing, particularly those of a malicious and threatening inclionation; you are all presently being investigated by the Dyfed Powys Police Authority – (Crime Reference No. AZ4/0556/3001201301H).

The Authority has already issued a Press Release, so be in no doubt as to the probity of this communication.

Further, over the weekend I have given a number of interviews to the Press -first article to appear in the Evening Post tomorrow, the Daily Mail, Telegraph etc later in the week and of course, the Llanelli Star, no doubt other media outlets will follow.

Your true indentities will undoubedly be revealed in due course (if, as you claim Welshnot, you are a teacher, I hope you have an understanding Board of Governors), and I will also be pursuing an extremely expensive, for you Mr Jewel, civil action for breach of Copyright.

Julian Ruck.’

If the monkeys still existed, I’m sure they’d want to draw Julian’s attention to some fairly painful abuses of the comma in that little rant – since they don’t, I’ve answered it more soberly myself:

Julian, you are an absolute delight – the gift that never stops giving! Have you really gone to the trouble of giving interviews to help attract readers to this blog? Most people don’t seem to realise how generous you are, but the monkeys and I are enormously grateful.

I do wish you all the best with your civil action – will you be flirting with the old adage about a lawyer who represents himself, or will you be looking for a representative who hasn’t read the CDPA? If you want to save your pennies, you might like to cast an eye over section 30, chapter III.

I’m afraid I do doubt the probity of this communication, though, Jules old chap. Perhaps you think that probity is just a fancy way of saying truthful – but it’s a bit wider, as it happens, implying an adherence to the highest principles and ideals. You’ll struggle to convince me that an attempt to bully a critic into silence adheres to the highest principles and ideals!

I’d love to see a link to the Dyfed-Powys press release – it’s not on their latest page. No doubt you’re crossing your fingers that the police will get excited about the possibility of monkeys throwing your own books, or dog shit proven by photograph to have come from your dogs, at your windows – but the sad thing, Julian (don’t tell anyone!), is that there aren’t any actual monkeys. They’re made up, you see. So (to labour a point you seem to have missed) it can’t have been a serious suggestion, since there are no monkeys to do the dirty. My non-existent monkeys and I rather suspect the police will work this out for themselves!

Now, I know you’re not a fan of answering questions, but maybe you’ll humour me just this once – you know when you said that you’re not fearful of ‘those who would surpress (sic) and censor the truth’? Does that mean you think censorship is a bad thing?

You can see Julian in full flow on this latest ride here:


It tells us a lot about Julian that he is convinced that criticism of his writing could only come from ‘Welsh Nationalists and Welsh language extremists’! Actually, Julian, people who love English (a group which includes myself and my non-existent monkeys) are by some distance the most likely to take offence at the many and manifold ways in which you abuse that poor language.



Filed under The Society for the Preservation of Commas

19 responses to “Julian threatens the police on our non-existent monkeys

  1. thelatteliterati

    Dearest Jewel’s,
    He’s jealous and hurt, I think, because of my little Valentine message to you. I haven’t seen any such expressions of affection on his blog, so it must have wounded his pride to see … well, I shan’t dwell on what he saw. But your emulation of his style does so set my heart aflutter that I think he’s rather got a right to be jealous.

    Strangely, his threatening words sound familiar. Might he have borrowed them? Ah, now I know where I’ve seen them before: it’s TV Licensing, who send out rather a lot of letters.

    If TV Licensing or the police do come round, virtually or otherwise, I will be there to protect you and your jewel’s, Jewel,s.


    P.S. I quite understand the monkeys’ rather mercenary response. They have to make a living, after all.

  2. Yes, I’m going to check with the police tomorrow, though he does seem to have backpedalled somewhat on his threats, since he seems to have deleted some of the comments you quote.
    He’s attempting to blame Welsh speakers and Welsh nationalists for taking him on. I don’t speak Welsh and I wouldn’t describe myself as a nationalist or move in nationalist circles. Not a single comment I’ve made on his turd of a blog has been about language or nation – it’s been about his deceit, plagiarism, lies and smears. OK, so I’ve unearthed instances of Julian’s anti-Welsh bigotry, arguably racism, but actually I’ve always stuck to the point. I also attempted to correct the crap he wrote about Welsh school qualifications.
    If he thinks I’m going to lose my job for smoking out his lies and correcting the nasty-minded pap he writes about the people I teach and the colleagues I work with, then he’s got another thing coming.
    I greatly look forward to the court case.

  3. And yes, Jewels, you’re right: it’s the English language we’re trying to protect, because Julian is taking it to the edge of the abyss.

  4. It’s very odd – one comments on his abuse of the English language, his flair for organising festivals, his rather absurd comments on funding for the arts in Wales – but when he gets in a rage, he immediately begins to rant about nasty Welsh speakers and nationalists.

    I think there is, perhaps, a bee in his bonnet!

  5. Mrs Penn-Thomas

    Ooooo goody. My true identity will finally be revealed.

    • Me

      Good morning everyone. May I share with everyone the following?
      From: julian ruck
      Sent: 03 February 2013 10:26
      Subject: Re Dyfed Powys Police

      Dear Mrs (Me),

      By way of information, I advise you that Dyfed Powys Police are now investigating the jewels from julian/julian fuck blog you have have contributing to, under the pseudonyms Penn-Thomas and Dog Woman.

      The content of this blog is both malicious and threatening, as indeed are your own posts.

      A Press Release has already been issued by the Police Authority.

      Should you be in any doubt as to the probity of this communication, than do please feel at liberty to confirm the matter with the said police Authority – Crime Reference No. AZ4/0556/3001201301H

      You will further note, that over the past three days I have given a number of interviews to the press, first article to appear in the Evening Post tomorrow. Daily Mail et al later in the week and of course the Llanelli Star.

      Julian Ruck

      ….and my response…….
      Sent: 04 February 2013 10:37
      To: ‘julian ruck’
      Subject: RE: Re Dyfed Powys Police

      Dear Mr Ruck

      Thank you for your email, and the information within.

      I have read the “jewels from julian” blog and found it highly amusing, if a little unkind. However I assume you realise that when one sticks one’s head above the parapet, as it were, and is “outspoken”, then one also needs to be able to “take on the chin” the backlash from those who take offence. I do understand that many Welsh people, in particular, could be offended by your views, and I would advise if you particularly dislike this, you may wish to keep your views to yourself. Offend, and be offended. Do unto others as you would have done unto yourself.

      I am puzzled by your certainty that I have contributed twice to the aforementioned blog. I can understand your deduction from the comments of “Dog Woman”, however I am puzzled that you should also believe me to be “Mrs Penn-Thomas”. For one thing, I am not “Mrs”, and feel quite strongly about this – my title is “Ms”, and if you would like to continue our correspondence, perhaps you would do me the courtesy of addressing me correctly. I see that in the blog, reference is made by Mrs Penn-Thomas to your books (suggesting s/he has read them), and also comments having been left on your own blog. I assure you neither of these are true. I have neither read, nor have any interest in reading, your novels – and so I couldn’t possibly comment on them, positively or negatively. Nor have I done anything other than glance across your own blog – I follow only two local bloggers, and they cover local politics. Yours holds no interest for me. However, as you have accused me of being, and informed the police that I am, Mrs Penn-Thomas, (and as unproven, does this not potentially constitute slander? Perhaps you, with your legal expertise, would enlighten me) then I feel it only fair that you should provide me with a copy of all Mrs Penn-Thomas’s comments on both blogs.

      I look forward to your response.

      (From me)

      • My much-lamented monkeys and I admire your patience more than we can begin to express. You, Ms D Woman, are a latter day martyr, and will surely be counted amongst the saints.

        But oh, the bite of your criticism! I can do no more than hang my head and admit that this blog has been a little unkind to Julian. It did originally try to be as light-hearted as possible, but the more Julian bullies and blusters, the less he behaves like a gentleman, the harder it becomes to avoid condemning him in the terms he deserves.

        I shall urge my monkeys to find something more positive to do with their time than responding to Julian’s solipsistic ramblings. It’s hard, though, now they’re only imaginary.

    • Is that you, Richard the Third?

    • Dog Woman

      Mrs Penn-Thomas – d’ya wanna come into hiding with me? Oh hang on, you are me…..are you? Are you another side of me of whom I am not aware? OMG – I could be up to anything I’m not aware of – wandering the streets of iKIDunot (thanks early commentor) naked maybe? Smeared in dog poop so as to blend in unseen with the streets of iKIDunot (there is a lot of poop here. Not from my dogs’ bottoms though, oh no – that gets cleared up as it drops…….heck I’m rambling……..no, I’m drifting away to my alter ego……………..)

      • Mrs Penn-Thomas

        It is true that we have never been seen in the same place at the same time so we could be the same person theoretically. To uphold your good name I vow never to walk the streets of Kidwelly naked nor in possession of a rambling dog’s bottom.

        Did I really make a comment on his blog about his books? I have only ever commented on his arguments against funding literature in Wales. Since he blocked me from his blog for entering into the open debate that he has called for, I have not commented at all. I am intrigued indeed to find out what I am meant to have said about them. Perhaps he has now created a malicious version of Mrs Penn-Thomas. I have only ever been a very sweet and polite contributor to his blog so it will be interesting to see what Dyfed/Powys Police make of his accusations, especially the accusation that I have been working under a pseudonym. Poor man. He really is in need of some TLC and a long holiday.

      • A long holiday?! And TLC?! That sounds like a very ugly threat to me. We’ll have to see what the police make of such a beastly suggestion!

  6. Mrs Penn-Thomas

    Oh I see now, I did read his transcript of the talk he gave. That must be what you took as reading his work.

    Even if Mr Ruck manages to create an alternate reality in which we are the same person then please be assured that I have not dragged our collective mutant persona into the dirt. In Mr Ruck’s own words-

    “All the very best to you, and thank you again for posing an argument free of personal angst and bitter venom.”

    and again

    “And thank you, Mrs Penn -Thomas for exercising civility and a polite manner – albeit that I totally disagree with you! Your approach is appreciated,”

    and the most touching

    “Damn me, Mrs Penn-Thomas, you ‘aint giving in! And good on you!”

    Those were the balmy days before I was banished to the outer depths and branded a conspirator for having and expressing an opinion that contradicted his own. If you are reading this Mr Ruck, I do miss our little chats.

  7. Puppy

    Just a thought… it’s not possible that Julian could cause any of the contributors to be silenced on this blog is it? ='[

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s