High intensity interval training, Julian, that’s what you need. Get yourself an exercise bike, and do twenty seconds of maximum exertion, pause for two minutes, twenty seconds at maximum again, pause for two minutes, and then finish with twenty seconds at maximum again.
Do that just three times a week, and it’ll make the world of difference to your blood pressure.
The problems that Julian is experiencing with his blood pressure are made evident in two ways. First, he has descended into a wild orgy of capitalisation, churning out entire long-winded posts in upper case. It’s widely accepted online that upper case is the equivalent of shouting, and if you
read shout Julian’s posts aloud you’ll get a good idea of his state of mind. In Julian’s case, though, given his rather obsessive fascination with the fact that good writers can get grants and publishing contracts (and hold on to agents!), we might see the capitals as being his equivalent of green ink.
[For those of you who haven’t suffered the joys of working for a newspaper, and might not have come across the term otherwise, suffice it to be said that no editor opens an envelope addressed in green ink without a certain degree of trepidation – the ‘green ink brigade’ is a euphemism which saves one from talking about the lunatic fringe.]
The second sign of increasing blood pressure is the way Julian has taken to publishing long lists of people who disagree with him and claiming that they are all ‘totally discredited’. Or, once he gets into his stride, ‘TOTALLY DISCREDITED’. Regular readers of Julian’s deathless prose won’t be surprised to find that his understanding of the word ‘discredited’ is somewhat hazy, as indeed is his understanding of the word ‘totally’.
Unfortunately, Julian’s rising blood pressure hasn’t prevented him from continuing to abuse the humble comma. I don’t know why he has such hatred of commas, any more than I know why he has such hatred of writers, Wales, the Welsh, Welsh speakers – but of all these targets of his ire, commas are surely the most innocent and yet the most regularly savaged.
Please, Julian, just stop using commas entirely. You’ll make fewer mistakes that way, and no more commas will suffer needlessly.
In fact, it’s time we had a poll on this.