[Jewels from Page 3]
This is slightly less than half a page, so you would have thought it might have been difficult to find anything wrong, wouldn’t you? But don’t worry, Julian won’t let us down!
‘Well you should find us a luxury shouldn’t you,’ he rasped. Oh, where to begin? You need a comma after the ‘well’, Julian, and another after the ‘luxury’ – and then, since it’s a question, you need (shock! horror!) a question mark rather than a comma after the ‘you’. Sigh. D minus. Please revise the work we’ve done previously on punctuation. After all that, we can almost forgive you the rather hammed-up ‘rasped’.
‘Her womanhood was ripped. Torn.’ Good heavens! Not just ripped, but torn as well? Torn and ripped? Er, hang on – don’t those two words mean the same thing? As we’ve said before, Jules is fond of pointless repetition. As we’ve said before, Jules is fond of pointless repetition.
‘…he was already bitter at having missed the opportunity to devastate a young woman’s virginity.’ Now, we’re no experts on this, so we’re willing to bow to Julian’s research in the field – but can you really ‘devastate’ a young woman’s virginity? Not, we suppose, if you actually know what the word ‘devastate’ means.