Apostrophe’s and plural’s

[Jewels from Page 2]

Notes to Julian:

‘Their heads were covered by woollen balaclava’s;’ – no, that should be ‘balaclavas’.  You don’t form the plural with an apostrophe.

‘Fornicate with the Nazi’s would you?’  No, Julian, you don’t form the plural with an apostrophe.  We’ll return to this point frequently over the next 271 pages.

‘…the girl’s innocent face.’  Well done!  A rare sighting of a correctly used apostrophe – good work, Julian!  Don’t listen to anyone who tells you that even random apostrophes are bound to be right sometimes!

What, you want to suffer some of Julian’s style, and not just sympathise with his apostrophes?

Okay, how about:

‘Masked anonymity inspired terror.  They knew what they were doing.’  No, really?  As you’ll come to see, Julian is very fond of abstract nouns – he probably thinks they make him sound rather clever.  They’d have made George Orwell cry, though.

‘…that resembled almost exactly some preying eagle about to lift its prey off the ground…’  Preying eagle?  Hmm.  Are you sure you’re not thinking of a preying mantis, Jules?  Still, we have to admire (or shudder at) the ‘preying eagle’ lifting its ‘prey’ off the ground – yes, repetition and Julian go hand in hand.  Yes, repetition and Julian go hand in hand.  The sign of a limited vocabulary, I remember being told at school.

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